My Father: The Feminist?

Lately I like to read a lot of blogs about work/life balance, and the ones I like most tend to be by female authors. I cannot figure out if I like them because I agree with and aspire to be like the authors or am incredulous as to their mindset. The more I examine myself against the content of their blogs I find I am approaching them more and more as if they are quaint fiction pieces about young women dumping their jobs in male dominated industries, jumping to the front lines and becoming CEOs of self-formed start-ups about things like the new breed of woman and twentysomethings changing the world. Everyone gets an iPod and expensive face cream. And they save the planet! And Darfur! And have babies! And garner six figure incomes! Hmmm. Forgive the sarcasm. Don't get me wrong, I really like these blogs and what these women are doing, I'm not poking fun, I just frustratingly cannot relate.

As I reference these "young things" lives against my own, I suddenly remember that I'm 27 and their contemporary. And yet, I feel like a crotchety old lady, and I can't shake my 80 year old perspective. I certainly don't feel like the glowy, glossy GenX or Yer's (which am I?) I imagine are writing. Maybe I've had a tough year and am feeling pessimistic. Or maybe my grip on terra firma is stronger than ever because of what I've had to face. And maybe even when they do prove they can accomplish all they set out to do professionally - their personal lives seem to go to shambles. Like Penelope Trunk's love life, or Rebecca Thorman's lack of sleep. I'm not so sure I want in.

At any rate, this post on "From Boston With Love" via Penelope Trunk's Yahoo Finance column caught my eye. I have done no research nor do I have strong opinions on feminism, but Kate Hutchinson did start me thinking. What are my feelings as a working woman? Am I a feminist? Do I even know what that means? I have never felt a lot of pressure to perform differently, better, faster, or more because I'm a woman playing against men, but simply because I'm a human. Maybe it's because my undergrad was in a field where the women were more sought after and more cut-throat than men. Sopranos vying for spots in operas don't play nice, and often race or weight are bigger factors for jobs…but I'm also wondering if it was because I grew up in an environment where women and men were considered equals. My mother might have a different perspective, but I was my father's daughter, not his wife…

My father once quipped to me that he didn't understand feminism or the women's liberation movement. Coming from Serbia in the 1970's, his country had already had a female president. He said everyone got equal compensation per skill level, doctors and lawyers got the same training and the same pay - whether they were male or female. No one cared.

Insert screeching halt here.

Um. Someone might want me to point out the glaring fact that this rosy Peaceable Kingdom of workplace equality happened under communism. Despite the former Yugoslavia being considered the model for communism's "success" at the time, we all know from the bloodshed marking the late 80's and 90's (and in most every other former and present-day communist society) that financial, ethnic, and religious relationships cannot be forced into submission.

And continuing...

While I don't support communism, this brief history lesson informs the context from where my father came. Whether he thought communism was a good idea or not is not the point, although it may have possibly influenced how he raised his daughters. My father never put me down, nor did he say I couldn't do something. A few years ago when I'd had a particularly bad day on the job, I called him bawling for help. He told me to meet him at Starbucks and I proceeded to sob at him from across the cafe table. Once I regained my composure I asked him if I could work for him and eventually take over his construction business. Without batting an eye he said, "Why sure, of course you can." I hesitated, "Well, I mean, there probably aren't a lot of female carpenters…right?" He again unflinchingly replied, "No, there's a lot of them. I see them at Home Depot all the time." While I regrettably never did take him up on the offer, I knew he was serious. He really thought I could do it.

My father didn't seem to separate or elevate boys or girls. Even though he was as manly as they come, (imagine Tom Selleck, but Slavic), he never expressed desire for a son above a daughter, and even when I begged him and garnered a spot to go to the Piston's Championship basketball game with him in 1989, (secretly only to eat The Palace nachos), it didn't occur to him that was a girly (or food-obsessed) thing to do, or that I didn't deserve to go because I didn't understand the sport. He took me and my 3rd grade friend and we ate those nachos and probably talked about hyper-color outfits while he entertained a business colleague.

As I developed my studies in music, he was just as proud of my singing accomplishments as I imagine some dads are about their quarterback sons. He could be moved to tears after attending one of my performances. When I was turned down for the lead role in a musical, he took the time to comfort me and encourage me, he didn't see my goals as frivolous. No matter what they were.

I'm just forming my thoughts on this topic, and why do I care at all? Well, the blogs mentioned above are spurring me to think. Being married, I'm faced with the decision to stay home and have kids, but don't know if it will be possible on one income and I'm faced with developing myself professionally and figuring out how I'll maintain a household at the same time. Is this a feminist issue? I don't know if I'm un-PC or uber-PC to say that I can think of nothing better than cooking meals for my family, cleaning and organizing, and hanging out with a baby all day. I'm aware of the risks I'll take with my career, fashion sense, and diminished vocabulary skills as I adopt babble as my primary mode of communication, but I can't help but think it would be worth it.

Maybe I'm not qualified to talk about women in the workplace or motherhood as it relates to feminism - since I'm on the brink of both - where do I stand? The messages I received from my father were not clear cut. He didn't advocate for any particular path for his daughters. When I asked him what advice he had for me regarding marriage all he said was, "You have to be willing to make compromises." Beyond that I know very little about how he really felt about "a woman's place." All I have to go on is how his actions spoke on the subject. I am grateful that I grew up with a father who made me feel like I'd be successful at any endeavor, whether I decided to be the most dramatically feminine of opera divas, wielding sledgehammers in cargo pants and boots, or crafting excel spreadsheets and number crunching like I do in my current profession.

I'd also be particularly grateful for other bloggers to enlighten me on their thoughts on this topic and how their fathers may have shaped their personal and professional endeavors. I know there are views I haven't considered…what are they?