Unplug the Hedonistic Treadmill

Can't Keep Runnin'

I spent some time reading my own blog today. I'm sorta negativo aren't I? Anger and depression stemming from an acute event such as the loss of a family member is understandable, and that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m noticing the ongoing and pervasive low-level dread I seem to lug around.

Well, I’m going hit the big red STOP button of life’s Hedonistic Treadmill. If you’ve never heard the term before, perhaps you will grow to love it like I have, or like this guy. It is a perfect descriptor for when you experience life as the kind of person who is never satisfied – no matter what your accomplishments are. You view the glass as upside down, i.e. unfillable, starting from square one even if you just completed a major task. You chase, even achieve your goals - only to find you’re precisely where you started emotionally and psychologically.

My blog has revealed to me my unbalanced ways. Not that they were particularly well hidden, but a few posts stick out and I think I need to make a change – not at self-improvement as I’ve historically pegged my “problem” to be, but at self-acceptance. This is a subtle but significant turn in my thought processes.

I believe my Mouse-on-a-Mill behavior stems from attempting one self-improvement project after another – hoping for a superior, happier me at the end. Whether it is voice lessons, masters degrees, exercise regimens, meditation, etc. I always expect to emerge happy and aglow from my transformation. Instead I emerge exhausted, much like some of my contemporaries. We are the proverbial squirrel just trying to get a nut, but once we get it, we bury it and start looking for the next one.

The book “Stumbling on Happiness” by Dan Gilbert demonstrates why we are bad at guessing what will make us happy. There are many reasons for this – read the book to find out – or take my word for it, we are really bad at this. After these realizations I’m tempted to stop setting goals, eat bon bons, get pleasantly plump and declare c’est la vie! But I’d be missing the point. The point is not to walk backwards on the Treadmill, but stop the machine and take a mental victory lap for all the miles you’ve logged. Look back and say – “Hey, I don’t suck!” (If that’s all you can muster.)

The other point is that it is still good to push yourself. Because sometimes getting the job, the girl, or making craploads of money can make you happier. But not always, and you should find out these kinds of things about yourself now so you don’t misdirect your efforts. Maybe, just maybe, you’d be happier quitting your high profile gig in the ad industry to become a prairie dog farmer. Maybe.

Basically, find a good balance. I’ve found that The Treadmill does not keep me on my toes, but runs me ragged. So the goal for me is to be more realistic about what actually makes me satisfied, since bigger, better, faster, more hasn’t been quite what it’s cracked up to be. I hope to discover the ways I trick myself into thinking I’ll be happy but end up depressed, and figure out what I really enjoy doing instead. Oh – and once I find that thing - avoid the immediate urge to make it a full time job.