Anatomy of a Singer: Part 2, Madonna and Me

Previous: Anatomy of a Singer: Part 1, Birth

My first public vocal performance was John Lennon's Imagine at my 7th grade convocation ceremony. I took the words to heart. As trite as it sounds, I felt the magic of communicating Lennon’s visionary text, thinking, I can change the world doing this. People will listen to me if I'm singing.

I continued to pursue singing opportunities in high school, community theatre, local competitions and did well. Despite what I felt like was guarantee of future success, my high school voice teacher urged me to major in biology instead, since I told her I got A's in that class and always loved science. She said, "You can always sing, no matter what degree you get, but you can't always get a practical education." I think she was half right. She spoke from her experience coming from Korea as a young musical prodigy, moving through the US education system all the way up to getting her Doctorate, struggling as a single mother, and performing in nursing homes to make ends meet. Her warnings hit deaf ears and I applied and was accepted to University of Michigan's music school.

By some stroke of luck or mystical irony I was supposedly placed in Madonna’s old dorm room my freshman year. People would stop by, “Hey, did you know this was Madonna’s room?” My heart went a-flutter and I took it as a sign I was meant to be a star. Along with posting photos and motivational phrases on my walls, reading self-help tomes were meant to harness my chi and my destiny all at the same time. I figured musical stardom was inevitable if I wanted it badly enough.

However, even though I excelled academically in music school, I soon realized that my classmates were all variations on a theme of a high schooler's singing success story. They all had had their egos stroked by stage parents, jealous rivals, and requests to sing in their church or synagogue on days of religious obligation.

I won a few coveted roles and classmates and teachers liked me, so I did well. I decided to expand my expertise and carve out niches by getting involved in hair and makeup design, stage production, and continued to audition for whatever came my way. I also switched my major to include comparative literature because I was obsessed with languages and esoteric novels.

However, vocal uncertainy and my parent's divorce wore on me. Though I had a strong voice, my technique was still faulty and I had difficulty competing against more refined singers. There was no concrete path to follow...so I kept moving along in myriad directions. My fractured lifestyle suited me, I thrived on variety. Observers may have called it instability.

Next: Anatomy of a Singer: Part 3, Art and Death