Afraid of Change? Don’t Worry, You Won’t Feel a Thing

We fear the pain of change like a child who first visits the Doctor’s office. He imagines he will be impaled Count Dracula style by a huge needle, rather than the barely perceptible sting when the nurse surprises him with a pin-prick.

We fear change in its anticipated, not actual, effects. Penelope Trunk has written of the importance of making a choice, any choice, whether or not we can muscle out an imaginary outcome.

In that spirit, I have embarked on a thirty day campaign, twittering my acts of courage. I could use some ideas by the way. However, I’m noticing something interesting every time I perform a feat of courage. I don’t feel a thing.

No matter how drastic the act, no earth-shattering response follows, despite my hyped-up expectations. The last time I wrestled with a bout of change (and it was a while ago) I remember feeling a high.

In fact, I used to be a change junkie, flitting from one self improvement venture to the next. I used to be convinced the world was a better place with me in it, eating “I can change the world!” bullshit for breakfast. I feverishly read eastern and western religious and philosophical tomes, pop-psych favorites, attended seminars, top-notch schools, traveled and studied abroad, changed my hair, my clothes, my body, my relationships; mistaking such activities as substitutes for my own and everyone else’s, happiness.

Despite having access to all the opportunities to change in the world as an educated middle class white woman in America, I was miserable. Once I realized the changes I was making couldn’t satisfy me, I stopped. I stagnated. I melted into a pool of sameness and began to wallow in it.

Then last year, I got married and my father died, all within a 5 week time frame. You don’t need a PhD to know these events will change you, more accurately, break you.

Into a million pieces. Completely.
Put yourself back together. Again.
Learn how to truly change. Finally.

What I’ve learned:

You don’t need feelings for change. Your emotions are a highly inaccurate barometer for decision making and assessing the quality of your results.

You don’t need to have certainty or predictable outcomes. Even the best-laid plans must be malleable, to the point they may become unrecognizable.

You must be patient, and dare I say it, have faith. Making a change is the first, and easiest, step. Having the patience to withstand the time to fruition is a lifelong pursuit, and having faith that everything’s gonna be alright, well, that’s courage.

You can change too, start by doing something different, like subscribing to Shouting to Quiet the Thunder...