Life sucks…and then you cry.
Ever confused about how to handle uncontrollable crying at the office? Never fear, here’s how to turn even the most unprofessional display of emotion in your favor.
Pretend You Are Choking – you’re busy, and you show it. While your nerves might be on fire, you don’t want to put ‘em out with tears! Just pretend you are choking on that sandwich you are scarfing down because you don’t have time for lunch – or your sanity!
Pretend You Are Sick – you’re busy, and you show it. So busy, in fact, that you haven’t taken a sick day since 1995. No one will question your glossy-eyed look if you are hacking away as if fighting off typhoid fever.
Important Documents to Shred Anyone? – Backlogs got you waterlogged? No worries, take a trip to the ol’ shredding machine, where you are sure to get some solitude, and no one will notice the paperwork covered in waterworks, just shred your worries away!
The most obvious escape is the bathroom break, but I perform this routine with such frequency I had to come up with more ideas, you know, just to keep my nervous breakdowns feeling fresh.
Some of you might think that I hate my job. I don’t. Some of you may think I hate my life. I don’t. Some of you may think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain. Bingo.
I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, nor have I sought such help because that would mean admitting I have a problem – but I’ve long been convinced there’s a hole in my brain where rational thought, followed by adult decision-making was supposed to go. I end up crying and getting depressed about the most inconsequential things. Let me rephrase that – I fight like a f*ing champ through some of the toughest shit life has to throw at me, and then my bangs veer left, or my dog looks old, or my pants feel tight and life falls apart.
I haven’t got any actual advice, and forgive the corny sarcasm above. I’m out of ideas.
4 Comments:
When you figure out what exactly it is that makes us do that, and how to fix it, dear god let me know.
Hang in there.
@ Nichole - thanks. To be honest, I felt a lot better after a long walk. I know there is some scientific explanation about exercise and improved mood. It's true.
But thanks. I've had a rough go lately, one step at a time.
Milena
Thanks for the hysterical post!
One of the (only) good things about working at a law firm is that nobody will look twice at you if you are crying while typing an email. So no secret mechanisms needed.
Similarly, nobody will bat an eye if they periodically hear you screaming FUCK into the phone. It is all part of a "normal" day.
@ marksmith - that is flipping hilarious. I answered phones and filed papers at a law firm in high school, it was one of the most intense work environments (for everyone else) I got to wear ripped up jeans and leave early...
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