Remember

Last year, on this day, at 5:31 pm, surrounded by family, my sister and I held our father's hands as he took his last breath.

I've been thinking I'd have something brilliant to reveal about grief, after this year has come to a close. I've been hoping I'd be struck with some great moment of peace, and I could report the bitterness has dissolved and I found solace in God and Jesus and love and life, and I cry no more.

I don't cry as much any more, but that's not because the sensitivity to his death has lessened, but my mind has built a protective psychological callous to keep me from collapse. I miss my father just as much, more. It's the regret that hurts the worst. I resent my inability to make enough time for the people I love, my doubt and despair about little things that are meaningless in comparison. I feel because I now have a deep and clear knowledge of how short and important life is, I should be living it much better than I am. But I am only a human. His death didn't make me an angel, just him.

His death has slowly chipped away at some things. My fear of the unknown. Knowing he went first makes me much less afraid to die, and a bit more bold in living. I'm more likely to speak my mind and fight for the things that make me happy and sane, because I can, I should, and he'd want that. I regret it took the monumental weight of his death for me to realize so many things. That's the regret.

I'm going to go to church today and say some prayers for him. One will be this prayer by Bede Jarrett, which I think is beautiful and wanted to share it.

We seem to give them back to thee, O God, who gavest them to us. Yet as thou didst not lose them in giving, so do we not lose them by their return. Not as the world giveth, givest thou, O lover of souls. What thou givest, thou takest away, for what is thine is ours also if we are thine. And life is eternal and love is immortal, and death is only an horizon, and an horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. Lift us up, strong Son of God, that we may see further; cleanse our eyes that we may see more clearly: draw us closer to thyself that we may know ourselves to be nearer to our loved ones who are with thee. And while thou dost prepare a place for us, prepare us also for that happy place, that where thou art we may be also for evermore. Amen.

I also wanted to share some photos of my father and me. He and I are so much alike in many ways. I think these photos show our relationship well. We weren't always the best at communicating, but we were very close.

He gave the best hugs!

On vacation in Mali Losinj, Croatia. Summer of 2001.

Dancing at my wedding, singing Djelem, Djelem to each other just before the whole family joined in!

Daddy, I love you and miss you.

Two A-Holes Read My Blog

A: Hey Milena, you suck. You hate babies and cats.

B: I heard you kill cats and feed them to babies.

A: I hear that you love Sarah Palin, and her babies. That much is true. I read it on your crappy blog which sucks so much I'll never stop reading it because you suck so bad it makes me happier to know you exist.

B: Yeah, I agree. You suck. You hate babies, cats, and poor people.

A: Especially poor people.

B: I hear that one time, Milena kicked a poor woman on the street.

A: Not only that, she kicked her cat.

B: And fed it to Sarah Palin's baby.

Milena: And then we high-fived.

A: Oh my gosh, Milena, you suck.

B: I know. Can you believe she high-fived Sarah Palin? That's like eating dinner with Satan.

A: Milena eats dinner with Satan on a regular basis. They have a standing reservation at a nasty restaurant that serves cat.

Milena: you read it here, first.

All Bad News, All the Time

The Wall Street Journal has turned into a herald of horror. Every morning I emerge from my toasty bed, trample the now-frosted grass to grab the paper. Lately, I anticipate learning what kind of affront the government decided to propose against the American people in the dead of night. The numbing effects of a bad economy have taken over, I believe. We've all rolled over and played dead, in hopes that the government will breathe a little cash flow into our sorry pockets whether we've earned it or not. Every day I write a roaring Letter to the Editor, but I'm sure its ring is stifled into paltry squeak of objection amidst the clamor of support for these frightening proposals.

Culprits are not relegated to party lines. When things get this bad, party leaders from both sides are ushered into rooms until they can agree on a plan both sides hate equally. Then they unleash the fury on unsuspecting innocents they claim to represent! Bush unveiled another whopper this morning. "The Bush Administration is weighing a roughly $40 billion proposal to help forestall foreclosures...the government [to] give banks a financial incentive to turn troubled loans into more-affordable mortgages...the government would share in any future losses on the new loans with lenders." Photo by respres

Where do I get in line?

If you are not morally outraged when you read that, you must be on the side of the blessed recipients. I am not. I pay my mortgage, on time, every month. I pay my bills and save as much as I can, live within my means. Why are those who cannot afford their mortgages and banks who made bad loans rewarded for their behavior? If you ask me, you should be handing the free money out to those who know how to use it wisely. That's called putting capital to productive use.

If there is a moral to the story of the ongoing bailout it is this: it truly pays to be a loser. Here I thought I was bright: saving my money, working long hours, getting a graduate degree. Had I known the government would punish me and reward my neighbors who sit home collecting welfare, unemployment, and watching Judge Judy, I'd have asked them to make room on their couch for me.

Then Obama and his ever-expanding cadre of economists sympathetic to the plight of the unproductive and fraudulent among us announce delectable plans to carve fat-cat riches away, "They are looking too plump these days!" They are like a schoolyard bully who trots up to the kid whose momma loves him enough to pack a lunch, "I have an idea Billy, let's share our lunches...give yours to me!" The bully snatches and runs away.

Barney Frank boasts, "I think at this point there needs to be a focus on an immediate increase in spending and I think this is a time when deficit fear has to take a second seat...I believe later on there should be tax increases. Speaking personally, I think there are a lot of very rich people out there whom we can tax at a point down the road and recover some of the money."

Barney, you are my hero! Most politicians really sugarcoat their B.S. You just let it rip. But seriously, you shouldn't have said that...unveiling your plans could prove detrimental. "The Rich" are far more mobile than you imagine. Have you heard the term "capital flight?" There is no more surefire way to send productive capital away than to announce your plans to take it. Despite the "global meltdown" there are countries with far more favorable environments for business and those looking to growth their wealth.

I believe we are in for a long, miserable decline. Photo by The Wandering Angel

Why I Still Support the Free Market

Photo by Hamed Masoumi

Free Market, Poor Baby

The free market has gotten a bad rap lately. I disagree with those in opposition, and I mused the other day that I'd love to hear a coherent, complete, rational, and emotion-less argument against the free market, because I haven't seen one yet. For those who are interested, I started a Free Market fan page on Facebook, please join in what I'm hoping to maintain as a rational, calm, solutions-oriented exchange of ideas.

I think it is important to simply illustrate the concept of the free market: you have something to sell, I want to buy it, we agree on a price. In general, we both think we are getting the better deal, otherwise the trade would not occur. In fact, the exchange is likely to repeat with the same parties or others if it is found favorable, and if not, the trading stops.

Fun Free Market Exchange Example

For example, let's say I buy a purse and I'm all about it. I tell my friend Tina to buy one too. We both have the purse and we're quite happy, so is the seller. Then my purse zipper breaks. So does Tina's. We return the purses and vow not to buy them again. If we can't return the purses we make sure we tell everyone we know about their faulty construction, and the seller will either change their product or suffer continued future loss of business.

This overly simplified example illustrates exactly how the free market works. In fact, there is nothing sinister about such an exchange. It leads me to wonder why people are vehemently opposed to free markets and falsely accuse what is a neutral exchange for the recent market collapse?

Unless
Unless something gets in the way, which would lead me to conclude something other than the free market is causing problems. The only things that could distort voluntary and fair exchange are: powers of forced exchange (coercion), if one party to the exchange knows more about the product (asymmetric information), and if one party to the exchange knowingly lies or misrepresents the product (fraud). In each case, we unequivocally do not have a free market mechanism at work, but robbery. I can't imagine it could be any more clear.

Angry Mock-Objections to My Supposed Idiocy

I can already anticipate the objections to this post, so hopefully I can answer them before the hate-comments flood in.

Objection #1: Ha, you are stupid and immoral! You punk-idiass. Maybe the free market works when it's for broken purses, but what if it's a broken seat belt? You are a Randian lunatic who wants people to die for your whacked-out ideologies.

Objection #2: I'm sure you think that asymmetric information is no big problem, people should just get wise to the dangers lurking in the Big Business world and CEO Indiscretions. Oh yeah, except they need an f-ing PhD to go against them, and even then there is no hope unless you sold your soul to Dick Cheney. You are immoral and a blight on this planet.

My Thoughts

Me: Wow, what responses! I'm glad you brought them up as they are excellent points. I think they highlight that the biggest misconceptions are that the free market means unfettered, unchecked, unregulated wild growth. People imagine those who support free markets also support fraud, deception, or any tactic available to be used in the name of said growth. People imagine that the free market supporters oppose any kind of regulation or oversight. This is a false and baseless claim.

The free market is none of those things. Quite the opposite, precisely because the free market is an exchange of products (of which regulation is one) the free market naturally lends itself to being 'regulated'. While independent 'regulatory' bodies exist (which is a testament to the veracity of what I say about 'regulation' being a service that can be provided by the markets), there is a monopoly on provision of regulation-by-force by the government.

How the Government Monopolizes Regulation
It is rather obvious that the government, in any society, is the only body who can exert legalized coercive control over exchange. There is no guarantee various committees assembled will make the right decisions, promote just legislation, nor are they safe from falling into corrupt practices without oversight of their own. But there is no one 'regulating' the government. Furthermore, unlike private entities, there is no competitive force to keep government powers in check. When the government fails to regulate effectively, they don't get their regulatory powers taken away, but increased. They are therefore rewarded for bad behavior, and in turn reward their bad private regulatees. How is this a solution?

While most people support government regulation to a certain extent, it is not because it results in the most fair, efficient, or moral regulation. Few question the quality of government regulation and take it for granted the government will have the best interests, best ideas, and best outcomes, despite evidence to the contrary. I think the recent bailout provides a clear example of government regulatory failures. Sadly, I think many people support government regulatory action simply because they cannot conceive anyone would do it better. Others support government regulation because they are direct beneficiaries and disregard the negative effects on others. I think this is wrong. While it may be true the government could be effective at regulating, a few things keeps them from doing so. One is their coercive power, the second is lack of competition or checks and balances.

So, What's My Bright Idea?

Free markets with private provision of 'regulation.' To be clear, this does not mean allowing private organizations to have legislative powers. For example, even though I disagree with Michael Moore politically, I'd be in full support of his creating a private company to 'regulate', or follow and monitor the health insurance industry. I might even pay a fee or donation to receive his insights. He wouldn't need to lord any coercive power over individuals or companies to do it, he could legitimately profit, or use funds in a philanthropic pursuit, from bridging the information asymmetry gap, and being rewarded for doing so. I'd trust that he'd be unlikely to fall prey to coercion. Even still, the fact that he would be a private provider of the information would mean if I no longer enjoy or trust his services, I'm free to leave and seek someone else, or go it alone. Any individual should be free to make those kinds of choices.

This model of 'regulation' already exists. Just think of Consumer Reports or any number of value specific watchdog groups concerned about the environment, health care, woman's issues or whatever. Religious types do this all the time when they patronize businesses found in their church bulletins. They don't need the government to impose their values on businesses, businesses are happy to accomodate their values in exchange for their patronage!

I'm suggesting that free market mechanisms "fail" because no one is truly regulating them, or the form of regulation is garden-variety back-scratching between corporate lobbyists and the purring political recipients who are all too eager to send favorable legislation to the House floor. The current structures do not allow true 'regulation' or oversight, and in fact, they encourage the things they purport to prevent. In other words: corruption.

Giving Up on Your Dreams

Photo by Dusdin

Do You Know When to Give Up?

There are so many articles out there about how to be the best You you can be. You'll hear phrases like, Reach for the Stars; Give it All You've Got. Less subtle attempts will brainwash you with: Challenge Your Old Paradigms; I'm So Happy and Grateful I've Got 12% Body Fat and Look Like Carmen Electra.

We've seen those hilarious mock-inspiration posters, but is there some truth to knowing it's okay to fail? I find there is rarely anyone who talks about when to give up. Why not? Isn't there a time to give up on something? Don't we give up and fail at things all the time? Maybe we should be happy about certain failures. In fact, how do we know we shouldn't have given up sooner?

The Bobby in Our Lives
On the scale of human accomplishment, I believe we are each given our own scale. There is Jane's Personal Best, which may look very different from Bobby’s Personal Best. We are completely different people, and while on one hand, I can look to Bobby and his accomplishments for inspiration and guidance, I may never, no matter how wonderful of a person I am, how many mantras I've chanted, and self-realization exercises I've completed, match Bobby’s achievements.

Bobby may be more handsome or intelligent, more outgoing and well-connected, more disciplined and focused, more willing to make sacrifices. Bobby may have simply won the cosmic lottery. Why then, do I bemoan not being Bobby?

There's a Bobby in all our lives. That man or woman we're trying to be like, or esoteric goal we've set that is out of touch with our abilities or desires. Despite having realized this, we doggedly pursue it, though we may never get close.

Your Narrow-Mindedness is Stopping You
I love this quote so much, though I'm pretty sure I've posted it before, here it is again. How narrowly you define your success is how widely you define your failure.If I had to choose a mantra worth repeating, it would be this one. It has led me so many fascinating places, I can't begin to describe how grateful I've been to realize my limitations in life. Far from making me feel like a failure, I know there are small successes when I can say, "I'm not willing or able to do that."

If we think up is the only direction in life, and we're not heading that way, we're going to fall prey to the false idea we're doing something wrong. However, there are far more possibilities in life that will make you happy that have nothing to do with conventional definitions of success: outward recognition, increased income, respect of your peers.

A few weeks ago I started doing a paint-by-number painting. This isn't exactly a "reaching for the stars" pursuit, but I don't think I've had that much fun in a long time. Paint by number is incredibly cheesy, sophomoric, and takes virtually no skill, but I loved it. By allowing myself to do things that are not at the pinnacle of human achievement, I can enjoy my life more.

The Paradox of Success
Since becoming ridiculously happy in life, I’ve wondered why I’m not always ridiculously happy. I mean, I’m living my personal dreams. I’m married to a wonderful man, I work from home, am getting a graduate degree, and am master of my own schedule. Why am I not dancing on rooftops like Mary Poppins? Because every time I accomplish something, it tends to narrow my field of vision. Because when I can cross something off my list, the remaining possibilities shrink, and so does my world. Because just like in the movies, where you see the happy ending, you forget that the next day Mary has to go to Trader Joe’s to pick up lettuce and find the right kind of tapenade for a dinner party. A few months later she realizes none of her furniture matches and she might have to compromise on favorite pieces. Years later she gains some weight and the kick-ass dress she wore that made her famous no longer fits.

Sometimes Motivation is The Last Thing You Need
I think, at a certain point, motivation can be detrimental to your well-being. Sometimes you need to let yourself fail, give up, let go. Sometimes by releasing the restrictions you have on yourself you'll find something far more wonderful.

What are your thoughts on failure? When has failing led to something better than you could have imagined?

Running: An Asthmatic's Journey Through Fear

Photo by Sukanto Debnath

I can count the number of times I've run for sport or necessity. They stand out to me because running was so frightening that the act meant something far more than physical activity or a quicker method of transport. Struggling with asthma in my youth, I have never run for "fun." I have always run in fear of something. Each time I've ran has been more like an involuntary episode of insanity, knowing that most likely I'd be ill or hyperventilating. No one willfully puts themselves in that position unless compelled by something stronger than the fear of running.

I can remember every time I’ve run. I never knew if I'd be okay. I couldn't trust myself, my body, to know when to stop, to know when I'd had enough.

Boots
There was the time I was riding my bike and it was hijacked by a loose dog on the attack. I remember seeing Boots, a giant rust colored mutt, bounding down the street as I gazed behind me and ran into a car. After hitting the pavement I was subsequently toppled and molested by Boots. I can assure you it was one of the most scarring experiences of my youth. I clawed my way free of him, and barely ventured outside afterward unless I could see Boots was tied up. Later we requested (sadly) that Boots be put down for escaping his home for the 100th time and nearly killing our family pet. It was obvious he was unfit to roam.

Going The Mile
I do not suffer from "real" asthma, but exercise-induced asthma, so in sixth grade my gym teacher forced me to run the state-recommended mile despite my protestations. Every time I'd slow to a walk he'd yell out, "Run!" and I ended up finishing a good 10 minutes behind every other child. Despite the humiliation of being chided in front of my peers, coming in last, and vomiting in the middle of the gymnasium, I was pleased my teacher learned (with mop in hand) he probably should have trusted my judgment.

Absoluten Rekord

I spent one summer a few years back in Croatia, and took up jogging while I was there. There were a lot of starts and stops, and I think the longest I ever got up to was 1 mile, but it served me well on the trip home. The connection from Croatia to the US via the Frankfurt airport is one of the most difficult to catch. Once a day a 15 minute window opens to allow for deplaning, train transport between terminals, and re-boarding. I had no intention of missing the plane, kicked off my flip-flops and ran barefoot through the Frankfurt airport. It was one of those crazy scenes where I was gripping a small satchel and some paintings that couldn't be packed. In my mind I recall hearing a frenzied Vivaldi String Quartet. I arrived at the terminal to cheers of German airline employees exclaiming, "Absoluten Rekord!" and huddling around to view the woman who had made the shortest connection they can recall.

Anniversary
I ran last week. It was a desperate run. It wasn't for exercise, but for expression. Expression of those fears I talked about earlier. You see, it's October. And I hate this month. I absolutely hate it. I hate the rain, I hate the feelings, I hate the dreams. I hate the familiar panic and pulse and pound of the memories of last year. My mind wanders, Was today the day he had the stroke? Or that I screamed throughout the halls of Beaumont Hospital?

My father died almost a year ago and I have been avoiding thinking about it or talking about it, hoping it simply will go away. I ran to get away from it, because it's coming. This inevitable, horrible thing, hanging over my head. It's coming. I want it to leave me alone. But I know it won't.

I can learn from running, from what it's trying to tell me. I actually think it's trying to tell me to stop. Pay attention. Remember. Cry. But running away? It won’t work.

How To Understand the Economic Crisis: Political Power Run Amok

Photo by jakerome

Read this brilliant essay on the bailout/debacle/hoedown, whatever it is. I beg you.

Political Power and Economic Ignorance

If you are not up for it, at least read these quotes, and have a good day!

"Nevertheless, if some grasped the connection between these present effects [of the depressed economy] and that past cause [of Fed and government policies], few of them seem to have grasped that resorting to the same policies at present will necessarily have the same consequences in the future: to delay the recession, and worsen it."

This, to me, is the most frightening aspect of this debacle. No one seems to be learning.

Or how about then-Governor Bernanke's speech and apology to Mr. Greenspan in 2002, "Regarding the Great Depression. You're right. We did it. We're very sorry. But thanks to you, we won't do it again."

He should have added, "Unless we feel political motives are more important..."

Fighting the Good Fight

Yesterday on Brazen Careerist, a sensational article on class warfare popped up. I offered my two cents there, but I thought the topic was important enough to highlight further and keep the conversation going. My comment didn't so much dive into the topic of class warfare as much as it dealt with my ideas about how to solve the problems ancillary to it: unfair and complex tax code, inefficiency of socialized programs, lack of competition. The free market offers solutions that can be applied to government, but legislation rarely takes into consideration those mechanisms. Here is the comment, and I'd love to keep the conversation going here. (Mostly because I have no time to post anything else as I'm writing a paper on the failures of Medicare...I have a lot of posts in the wings, so stay tuned...)

To Brazen Careerist's Tim Weaver:

My main contention is not that I oppose paying taxes.
Furthermore, I don't loathe all socialized programs, per say, but their bloated cost structures and inefficient execution. I have indicated numerous times I support a flat tax to fund public spending (around 15-17%) with anyone earning under approx. $40,000/yr. be exempt, and possibly include a graded tax introduction for the beginning brackets. (eg - $40,001 pays 5%, $50,000 pays 10%, etc.) Basic arithmetic shows us that under such a system, the richer you are the more you will naturally pay out in taxes. This solution could hardly be argued "unfair."

The other concern is that ever-increasing taxes are paradoxically resulting in ever-decreasing efficiency and satisfaction with results of socialized programs. There is ample evidence many social programs are failing. You would not find me complaining about socialized medicine if it were demonstrated to be successful, but the reality is that increased expenditures have not led to proportionately higher quality care or standards. This is a paradox unlike most other areas where increased expenditures over time generally lead to reduced costs, higher quality, and better outcomes. Eg, computers, telephones, electronics, automobiles.

Milton Friedman describes this phenomenon, “Some years ago, the British physician Max Gammon, after an extensive study of the British system of socialized medicine, formulated what he called "the theory of bureaucratic displacement." He observed that in "a bureaucratic system . . . increase in expenditure will be matched by fall in production. . . . Such systems will act rather like ‘black holes,’ in the economic universe, simultaneously sucking in resources, and shrinking in terms of ‘emitted production.’" Gammon’s observations for the British system have their exact parallel in the partly socialized U.S. medical system. Here, too, input has been going up sharply relative to output. This tendency can be documented particularly clearly for hospitals, thanks to the availability of high-quality data for a long period.” (Friedman, Hoover.org)

A tax system that is paired with entitlements rather than budgets is doomed to failure. Eligibilty for programs are increasing, and those who have the means to provide funding are disappearing as they join the ranks of the recipients, or direct
their money outside our tax system. I fully support a fixed, flat tax collection, and using whatever taxes are gathered to fit within a budget. Excessive deficit spending cannot be tolerated and supported by tax payers for long without completely bankrupting a country.

The points I bring up cannot be ignored in any rational conversation. Solutions must at least consider that socialized programs are failing, and increasing funding without some kind of accountability and competition mechanisms will not improve them. There is nothing that prohibits the government from competing with private organizations to provide service with the exception of their own legislation. A great example occurred in Arizona with garbage collection. The public works dept. was
ineffectual at collecting garbage in a timely and complete manner. Private companies were sought to replace the public system. However, instead of fully privatizing collection, the government was allowed to compete, on an equal level for procuring the services. Over a period of years, the public department won the contract back (I don't know if subsidy was involved, but if it was, that could have been a large factor) but the overall point is that competition does not have to be relegated to the private sector. If the government were allowed to compete and be held accountable, I maintain we'd see far better performance from them.

Free Market Round-Up

For the next few weeks I'm taking What's Wrong with the World Wednesday in a new direction. It's been an increasingly negative place, and though I know people will yell at me no matter what I say, I thought I would focus on some positives and try to be solution-oriented. So, here's a teaser for What's Right with the World Wednesdays: Free Market Round-Up. Also, I want to hear from more readers - what confuses you about the economy? Do you have trouble figuring out who the bad guys really are? Are you worried about your future? What steps are you taking to ensure your financial and personal liberties are secure?

Momma, what's a Freakmarket?
I'll begin by clarifying some misconceptions about the free market. What the heck is it anyways? Even if you are "against the free market," can you explain to me your logical reasons why? Or are you just ranting, fearful, and looking to vent your anger?

Undeniable Free Market Success Stories
There are myriad examples of free market success. From saving the elephants to keeping rivers clean, the free market along with its friend, private property rights protections, can go a long way to help the environment and protect consumers.

When the Free Market Fails
The free market can fail. Of course. But we have to be clear on what aspects are failing, and where regulation or lack of regulation has caused problems. Sadly, a lack of comprehension of basic economic thought leads people to shoot one-liners like, "Corporations are responsible for greed, waste, and the recent financial collapse." I hope to help clear up what the heck all that gobbledegook means.

Let's Fix the Problem, Not Blame
Politicians are the players who can cause the fastest and most sweeping changes. Unfortunately, because there are only two sides to the political coin, there is a lot of pitting ideas against each other and sizing them up. I write about this all the time. That will never end, so we have to accept it as part of the debate and solution process. But I hope to attempt to move beyond the blame game to solutions that work in reality.

I Think I'm Good Enough to Suck

I'm a bit lost these days, a bit uncertain where I'm going. I've felt off-kilter pretty much since I quit my job. I think it's because I suck. In a good way. The concept, borrowed from Julian Sanchez, explains how you can become so good at something you actually become bad at it,

Things that fall into this category—writing, music, art, whatever—are just barely of sufficient quality to get judged by the appropriate “serious” standard (professional journalism, a “real” band), by which standard they fail miserably. If they were only slightly worse, they’d be judged by the more forgiving standards applicable to talented amateurs, and come off quite well.

I think I have reached a certain level in life where I've surpassed goals and competencies that land me at the bottom of a higher plane of achievement. Maybe that's what happens when you decide you've outgrown your job and quit for something new. You cannot bear to turn back, because you promised yourself to attempt better things, to realize your potential. However, you probably suck at them at first because they are unfamiliar and you have no training or mastery.

Maybe that's what happens in graduate school. Everyone is smarter than you. The professors are more intelligent and tenacious than any you've had. They keep saying things like, "You are adults, I'm not keeping an eye on you, so do what you want in this class." And they mean it, it's not a tactic or a mind game. You are treated like an equal, which is scary.

It makes me want to get a PhD just so the people I'm surrounded by these days will take me seriously. I used to be able to impress with a bit of "Big Ten" and "Fortune 500" credentials. Basically everyone I run with is in my shoes, or better. I might be sitting in front of a lawyer getting his MBA and pretend I'm busy when he and the professor tell jokes about the statutes in such-and-such county, so I won't show my ignorance of the humor I probably should be sharing in. In a group project I don't have to fear that I'll be the one to carry all the weight, I have to worry that I'll be the one who doesn't work hard enough.

I have to say, sucking has its benefits. Or at least, realizing you suck, has its benefits. All it means is there is room for growth. Real growth. My limitations are visible to me, but not insurmountable. Sanchez offers,

Folks at the high end of mediocrity—the big fish in the shallow pond—look around and conclude they’re incredibly special...It’s a pretty good rule of thumb that if you think you’re the smartest person you know (and not a Nobel Laureate), you’re probably just not quite sharp enough to have brighter friends. In other words: just short of good-enough-to-suck. Of course, we can tell an equally plausible story that works the other way around: The lower you are in your relevant peer-group ladder, the more uncomfortable an accurate self-assessment is, whereas the second- or third-best along some dimension can be realistic about not being the absolute tops without feeling too bad about it.

I think anyone feeling stagnant needs to look around their pond at the company they keep. Do you constantly feel like you aren't living up to your potential? Do you feel like you could excel at your job, relationships, fill-in-the-blank, but you have no motivation to try? Perhaps you haven't reached a threshold of suckitude (yes, I said that) that compells you to change and strive for something better.

I think deep down, we all know what it is that would make us suck. Whether it's dumping a crap boyfriend, applying for that degree program, or getting a black belt in karate, we already have that list memorized. So, what are you waiting for? It's time to crawl to the bottom (so you can get to the top!)

P.S. - speaking of sucking - can anyone explain to me why my blogger template squishes some of my paragraphs and not others so they are horrifyingly uncomfortable to read? Please help me if you can!

Lunacy is Spreading Worldwide

The credit crisis is causing some strange reactions world-wide, the least of which is French President Nicolas Sarkozy's new plan,

"The government will buy as many as 30,000 unfinished homes, make more state-owned land available for private home building and state-guaranteed mortgages available to 60% of French buyers, triple the percentage now eligible."

That's from today's Wall Street Journal. What about the lessons from the US made him think, "Gee, maybe I should incentivize home-ownership in MY country..."?