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I know this sounds like bad, trite advice. And it is if you think marriage is a sham, blah, blah, blah...this post is not for you. But for those of you in a great relationship, teetering on the edge of committment, just lock it in already. In particular if you are at all interested in simplifying your life, you should get married. I realized today when I read Holly Hoffman's article on the sexual distractions in her life how lucky I was not to have any. Distractions regarding relationships that is. Not no sex.
Anyway, when it comes to my relationship, I'm on terra firma. I mean, Mike and I have our moments where we are ready to shoot gamma-rays out of our eyeballs in rage, but mostly we fight over things like whether or not he should be buying a new guitar pedal, or whether I should make wiping crumbs off the kitchen table a daily goal. (The answer to both those questions being no.)
Getting married has resulted in the most dramatic simplification of life routines I think both Mike and I have ever experienced. It's basic economics really. With the addition of a committed spouse (or whatever other newfangled committed relationship you've got going on) to the household, you can take advantage of division of labor and pooling of resources. So while I've agreed to keep house and make sure our 401Ks are in order, Mike makes a decent living for us and killer fajitas. Our lives run like clockwork for the most part, and that means our free time can be spent without distractions, gazing into each other's eyes, or at the latest episode of Bones.
The marriage/simplification process has been pretty profound now that I think about it. By creative and effective planning, and working on our goals as a unit, I've also been able to quit my job, get rid of my car, and finish grad school without ever leaving the house. I know it sounds a little bit like voluntary imprisonment, but I like it that way. I sometimes feel like a monk, singularly focused, and able to concentrate on whatever discipline I choose, only a lot less holy.
5 Comments:
I think it takes a lot to get a relationship to that point and that's indeed why you and Mike are married - because you're able to live such a life so successfully. I'm not that emotionally mature yet... :)
@Rebecca - maybe I underestimate how much work it's taken to get to this point. I guess it's not so much at it's easy, but most definitely worth it!
I have to agree that marriage has simplified my life greatly. Not only because of the working together on the same goals, but simply for the not having to date, not having to look around, not having to work to spend time together, and generally not having to think about where I get my emotional support from. I always know I have someone on my side. It's great!
Gary Becker, labor economist at Chicago would be thrilled to read your post.
I whole heartily agree with you though!
Well, as a budding economist myself, your comment warms my heart.
The economics of marriage are undeniable - and they in no way contradict or diminish the quality of a relationship by thinking of the contract in economic terms. The two are entirely consonant.
Thanks for your input!
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