On Bragging Versus Confidence

I am not the kind of person who brags. I rarely talk about myself unless asked because I absolutely hate coming across as the kind of person who must be the center of attention. You know who I'm talking about, the fast talkers, the loud talkers, or the incessant talkers who miraculously never get to the point of anything. I find there is a fine line between bragging and confidence.

Don't get me wrong, I know people who are great talkers, entertaining and informative talkers, always adding something to the conversation. They will most likely be getting you think about what they are saying, and will be interested to hear what you have to say back. This is the most pleasant kind of person to talk to. I met someone like this today.

So, how do you become the latter? I find that as I aim to expand my small business, it is critical for me to tell people what I'm about, but this is the part of my work I dread most. I feel like I can be a mouthpiece for other people rather easily. But when it comes to talking about myself and my abilities I really cannot stand the experience, and I have to pretend as if I'm an actress on a stage with mock confidence. I do not possess it naturally.

As the words leave my mouth all I can think is, "This person is probably bored to death by me, why in the world would they want to hear about my life/business/marriage/dog?" Makes sense I'm a blogger, because of the blissful anonymity of it all. I don't know who reads what or when. I can't get my feelings hurt because someone clicks on my page and clicks away in disgust once they learn x, y, or z about me.

But back to the issue at hand. I already know that I lack self-confidence, so I suppose there is little danger in me going overboard in face to face conversations. Perhaps that is just what I need, to go overboard with what I would consider "bragging" and that might be just enough "confidence?"

A parallel I've seen work successfully is in my work as a voice teacher. From time to time, I'll get a timid singer. They will sing quietly and without much expression. They are afraid of looking or sounding stupid. I will encourage them to sing in a way they might think is too loud, too obnoxious, too showy. Often, they end up with just the right amount of sound and energetic presentation because they are predisposed to holding everything in.

I wonder if this is the same with me? What about my readers? Do you have any advice or insights? Do talkers bug you, and do you see a difference between confidence and/or bragging?

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4 Comments:

  1. I deal with the exact some problem! It's strange, because I know that I can do a lot of nerd-related things, often times far beyond what people even want / need. But when it comes time to 'sell' myself and my services, I shy away, or if I do get in there, I tend to not charge what I really know I am worth. Self confidence? I don't know if it's that or something else, but I'd love to find out.
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  2. I think it makes a difference to have sometime of idea about what you're going to say before you say it. I find myself that if I don't, I ramble, make things up, get myself confused, start thinking "are they paying attention" and before I know it I'm asking the person I'm talking to "What was I saying again?"
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  3. I struggle with the same thing. I can't stand bragging but I think its unfair to not ever say anything because that diminishes your accomplishments.

    So, I've learned to just say it as fact. I don't add the part about me being so great just the facts.

    Here's a sports example, "I scored 4 goals at the soccer game today. The final score was 5-3. We won." That's all fact. Clearly the person I'm speaking to can deduct my role in the game. This would be the alternative "This was my best game ever, you should have seen me. I scored 4 goals today. I was high-scorer on the team. My streak continues".

    I hope that helps! I still often feel that I can get overlooked but I also think alot about bragging is subtly putting someone else down and I refuse to do that.
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  4. On another note, I think this is a fantastic teaching tool:

    "I will encourage them to sing in a way they might think is too loud, too obnoxious, too showy. Often, they end up with just the right amount of sound and energetic presentation because they are predisposed to holding everything in."

    I used to have my English language students stand in pairs across the room from each other and try to have English conversations above the noise of their fellow classmates. They were relaxed, laughing, loud and ridiculous and it worked like a charm.

    Glad you are being a patient teacher.
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I'm curious to see what you are thinking...

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