This study on gender differences in sleep interruptions from U of M is interesting, and I wondered how I compared to the women in the study, as well as my own reasons for what both Mike and I agree is a disproportionate burden on my part in terms of sleep interruptions.
According to the study,
Working mothers are two-and-a-half times as likely as working fathers to interrupt their sleep to take care of others.--The gender gap in sleep interruptions was greatest during the prime childbearing and child-rearing years of the twenties and thirties, [researcher Sarah Burgard] found.
Among dual-career couples with a child under the age of one, 32 percent of women reported sleep interruptions to take care of the baby, compared with just 11 percent of men. The proportion reporting interrupted sleep declined with the age of the child, with 10 percent of working mothers and 2 percent of working fathers with children ages 1 to 2 reporting sleep interruptions, and just 3 percent of working mothers and 1 percent of working fathers with children ages 3 to 5.
"What is really surprising," Burgard said, "is that gender differences in night-time caregiving remain even after adjusting for the employment status, income and education levels of each parent. Among parents of infants who are the sole breadwinner in a couple, for example, 28 percent of women who are the sole breadwinner report getting up at night to take care of their children, compared to just 4 percent of men who are the only earner in the couple."
Interesting? Yes. Surprising? Not really.
While most feminists will cry foul at what I'm about to say: let's face it, women are biologically driven to take care of their children! But that aside, speaking for myself only, I feel compelled as if by some invisible force to respond to my child's needs. I'm guessing this is the hormones that are designed to do just that working. As I mentioned in a previous post, I can literally feel physical rushes of and emotional changes when I interact with my child. This strikes me as amazing biology happening. Mike does not report exactly similar feelings, which leads me to believe that I, as a woman, have been endowed with some special chemical reactions. This seems logical and special to me. There are other clear biological traits I have (uh, the ability to create and nurture human life within my body as well as for years outside my body should I choose to do so). Far from feeling like I'm being oppressed by the misogynistic agenda of evil men everywhere, I feel blessed that I get to enjoy a unique mother-child bond that sadly, (in my honest opinion) men do not.
I should qualify my above analysis though - while my husband cares for Coco a great deal (in spirit and in action), he seems to become far more distressed by her distress. Whereas I tend to find delight in caring for her and I am rarely fazed by her needs, often laughing when she fusses, screams, and/or cries because I know she is fine and just needs x, y, or z. Mike does not seem to have the same innate confidence or reassurance she is okay, struggles with what exactly she needs at times, and seems more stressed out and concerned when caring for her. From informal interviews of other men I know with small children, I find his experience is incredibly common.
Though I cannot directly compare with the women in this study, as I am not employed full time, I do work part time and I still wake more frequently and interrupt myself to care for Coco, for all the above-mentioned reasons as well as the practical reason that Mike's work requires uninterrupted sleep and he earns almost our entire livelihood, so I want to make sure his life is easier because we all depend on him a great deal.
Milena, it makes complete sense to me. B and I don't have any little ones yet but when we have the niece and nephew faces, it is far easier for me to deal with crying than it is for B. He feels frustrated because of their distress whereas I know that it will pass. I'll be interested to see how his comfort with a child's distress changes when we have children of our own.
ReplyDelete@Dorie - I will say that while the learning curve for both mom and dad is steep at first, we have both found our strengths as parents. While mine might be nurturing, Mike's is for sure entertaining! Coco's face lights up whenever she sees him.
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