Raising a Bilingual or Multilingual Child: First Thoughts

photo by perpetualplum

There is life after pregnancy and I'm already starting to think about it. To that end, I attended a La Leche League meeting yesterday to get off on the right foot with breastfeeding, and to meet a community of like-minded women. But the most inspirational thing I found was a mother speaking English to the group and Spanish to her child. It was the most delightful thing to hear her say, "No te preocupas..." softly to her baby. It struck me as so special and intimate.

I have had latent thoughts about teaching our child a second language for a few reasons:

1. I want to keep my own language skills fresh.

2. I wish my parents had done that with me as a child.

3. Studies show that multilingual kids are smarter, wealthier, have a better time communicating, understanding and getting to know others. Sound like great advantages! (I know, is it correlation or causation...but still...I think it would be cool!)

However, until I heard this woman and her child I did not think about starting to speak with the infant! I have strong emotional ties to Serbo-Croatian - it was the mystery language of my own childhood, spoken when my parents were mad or wanted to keep a secret from me and my sister, the language spoken at parties and by the adults at holiday events. I remember sitting around tables watching everyone speak in another language...I accepted this as just another thing I wasn't allowed to do as a child...but how I wish I could have been included.

I took 4 semesters of both Italian and Serbo-Croatian in college and traveled to both areas in Europe during that time as well. My proficiency, as well as my love for both cultures grew and I love these languages today. So, I am planning to explore these languages with our child - they also happen to be languages of her own ethnic background (Mike's family is Italian, mine is Serbo-Croatian) so it feels natural to teach her both.

But the hard part is how, logistically? As much as I love the languages and have considerable experience speaking, I'm extremely rusty and don't think my vocabulary and conjugations are up to par. I certainly don't want to teach our child how to speak Italian and Serbo-Croatian poorly!

So, I'm reading some articles, reaching out to other moms and gathering info at this stage. One thing many people/articles have said is separating the use of languages with locations/people/times is important - to have distinct delineations of when one language is spoken versus another and not mixing two languages together in one conversation which can lead to the child learning a strange hybrid language.

From the article, Raising Bilingual Children,

Experts stress separating the languages to make language acquisition easier for kids. When kids are learning two languages at the same time parents need to work out language strategies that emphasize boundaries between the languages. For example:

• One parent, one language. Each parent consistently speaks one language while the other parent speaks another language (usually each on speaking his or her native language to the child and possibly the common language to each other).
• Both parents speak one language in the home and a second language is used at school.
• One language is used in the home and at school and the second language is used in the community.
• Both parents speak both languages to the child but separate the languages according to speaking situations or alternate days.

I would love to hear from other parents who are raising multilingual children, their ideas, mistakes to avoid, and resources!

Facebook is NOT a Nation-State

News alert: Facebook is NOT a nation. Not by any definition of the word. I'm going on a limb and also predicting it will never reach any kind of sovereign status either. That fact that I need to say these things is a little absurd. I know this article is only playing pretend, but I think the less we idolize social networks and simply recognize them as the fun and useful tools they are, we will all be better off.

From The Economist,

If Facebook were a physical nation, it would now be the third-most populous on earth. And if the service continues to grow as rapidly as in the three months to July, it will reach one billion in about 15 months—almost the size of India. Not least because of its gigantic population, some observers have started to talk of Facebook in terms of a country. “[It] is a device that allows people to get together and control their own destiny, much like our nation-state,” says David Post, a law professor at Temple University, Philadelphia. For more on social networks and statehood see article.

Hmmm. Has Professor Post ever been on Facebook? Unless I forgot to join the "Control Your Own Destiny" fan page - I am completely lost as to how he can say something like that with a straight face!

Don't get me wrong - I love social media and Facebook as much as the next guy - it is where I post inane things about my pregnancy and trips to the post office, where I upload photos I hope I don't look too fat in, where I stay updated on what is happening in friends' and total strangers' lives, and perhaps hear about an interesting social event once in a while.

Even using the phrase "controlling my destiny" in the loosest terms - Facebook really falls short of the tools I'd need to manage my life effectively. At best, Facebook allows me to stay marginally connected to people so that when I DO eventually see them face to face, I can at least mention I liked the picture of their new kid/dog/car/house. Facebook (like everything online) is not, and never will be, an effective or complete surrogate for real, live interactions.

The full article gushes about how cool it is that the new British Prime Minister pinged Mark Zuckerberg for some helpful tips on transparency and how social networks can help governments. Distinct from thinking Mark Zuckerberg is some kind of political role model, I'm guessing the PM was more interested in how wildly successful Zuckerberg was at pumping Facebook full of Obama propaganda during the last US election campaigns as well as unsubtly signaling to all the kids how "hip" and "with-it" Cameron is in the "well-publicized online video chat [with Zuckererg] this month."

What are your thoughts? Am I missing some of the magic of Facebook?

37 and a Half Weeks and Counting (Obsessively)

When people ask me how far along I am I lie and say, "Oh, geez - I stopped keeping track...any day now!"

What I don't want to reveal is my obsession with knowing exactly how much time I have left until my so-called "due date," i.e., 22 more days left, meaning I'm approximately 37.5 weeks along, with .5 weeks being equivalent to 3.5 days, but .5 days doesn't really count so I like to pretend I'm a day closer.

I count Braxton Hicks contractions as well as the baby's movement to determine if things are regular or irregular - like there is some kind of biological code I just need to decipher to give me an exact measurement of when I will go into labor.

Then I do things like make lists of stuff I still need to buy but don't bother to get all in one trip just so I have one more excuse to head to the baby department/aisle of every store I visit: I count the number of diaper cloths, receiving blankets, onesies, and baby toys I have. I go over the list of things I still need - 4-4 oz. bottles, 4-8 oz. bottles, 8-10 rubber nipples, 2 dozen more sets of pre-fold diapers, 4 more cloth diaper covers...the list goes on.

Being pregnant...this pregnant...is just a bizarre time - I'm convinced the last 8 weeks of pregnancy should be a time where a woman gets to do and say anything she wants and there should be no earthly or heavenly consequences. It's only fair.

At the same time - I'm still in disbelief that pregnancy will in fact end and I will soon have my very own child in my arms. It's just too crazy to think about. I feel more like I will simply be pregnant forever and I'll eventually stop getting bigger (because it would be physically impossible for me to get any bigger.)

Everyone's a Junior OBGYN or Child Psychologist

photo by catnipstudios

I don't know what it is about a pregnant woman that brings out unacceptable commentary from the woodwork of humanity. It's as if people see a pregnant woman and they cannot STOP themselves from saying every little thing that comes immediately to mind. There must be a biological mechanism whereby their internal censor shuts off at the sight of a giant belly attached to a hormonally flooded, emotionally spent, sleep and energy-deprived woman.

Here are some of the top questions/comments from friends, family, and total strangers that make me feel even better about pregnancy and impending motherhood (my mental responses are in italics, however, usually I say nothing, smile blankly, and change the subject):

1. Enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy. Your life will be complete hell pretty soon.

What exactly am I supposed to be enjoying? The chronic backaches, the loose and unstable joints, the inability to breathe, stand, sit, or move comfortably, the persistent dehydration or floaters in the eyes? I'm just curious, because I'm having SO much flipping fun that I was hoping someone could clarify which part I should try to enjoy the most.

2. Cherish all the alone time with your husband now, you'll never get it back.

I'll make sure to clue him in on this one, since the above list of good times I'm enjoying certainly means he is having an awesome time too. I can tell you, he is likely to cherish the fact we no longer sleep in the same bed, I no longer cook, clean, nor dress nicely with any regularity, and I'm likely to either be napping or crying when he comes home from work. So, yes, I'm sure we're going to just cherish these last few precious alone moments together.

3. Oh, you're having an AUGUST baby. Bad timing on your part!

Funny you should mention that. Since I have God-like control over precisely when my eggs are fertilized, I really should have planned better.

4. What names do you have picked out? {Once they hear the names there is usually dead silence and any one of the following responses}

• That name is rather old-fashioned...well, at least you know no one else will be naming their kids that!
• How could you do that to your child?
• I don't like that name.
• [They make name suggestions, usually including their own name.]

Why didn't you just begin this conversation by reciting your favorite names so we could skip the formalities and your feigned interest in the names I have chosen?

5. Are you eating well?

I try to have a solid diet of Mountain Dew and beef jerky. You see, the Mountain Dew is for energy and the jerky contains all the meat and vitamins a growing baby needs.

6. [Upon learning I plan to use cloth diapers] You won't want to use reusable diapers, we didn't. Do you know how much work it is? You'll want disposables, trust me.

Why should I trust you? Aside from the fact you possess impeccable judgement since you are the person rudely giving me unsolicited advice. I guess you are right though, since the decision to use cloth diapers is completely irrevocable, I suppose I should choose more wisely.

7. [Upon learning I hope to have an unmedicated delivery] You are going to try to give birth without medicine, huh? I guess that's the new trend, but honestly just take the drugs, it's a lot easier, that's what I did.

Way to be intrusive, inappropriate, and unsupportive when discussing one of the most personal and serious choices I'll make in my life. I mean, really, why aren't you my OB-GYN? Distinct from being a "new trend," unmedicated birth is something millions upon millions of women throughout time immemorial (including the present time) have done without drugs and been just fine.

Furthermore, I'm glad your confidence in my reasoning skills led you to bother to find out the intimate details of my decision and the variety of scenarios I have painstakingly considered and am prepared for in the event medical intervention is required or desired before you spouted your worldview while remaining steadfastly oblivious to others'.

8. Don't homeschool your kids, we would never do that to our kids. Don't you want them to be socialized? What about sports and other group activities? What about the prom?

Do you have any other reference point for homeschooling aside from the peculiar and anomalous family you saw on "Wife Swap" whose unkempt yard they like to call a "farm", claims they teach from "The School of Life," their eldest son wears sweatpants that are unusually small, the father is some kind of conspiracy theorist, the mom never cleans the house so the kids can learn about "science," and no one in the family can perform even the most basic math functions?

I'm not planning on raising feral children kept in cages without human interaction like some kind of freak experiment. And similar to using reusable diapers - homeschooling is not an irrevocable decision.

Oh, and my senior prom was one of the most pointless and traumatic nights of my life, full of underage drinking and otherwise repugnant behavior by teens who I don't believe would pass for properly "socialized" by even the most loose standards, so I won't feel too bad possibly "depriving" my child of such an experience.

9. You're going to breastfeed? (Insert dubious or repulsed expression here.) Just make sure you cover it up in public!

First of all, I can tell by the look on your face you think breastfeeding is impossible or disgusting. As to your exhortation to "cover up" I can only say I understand your trepidation completely. You know me...always whipping out the twins in public. I'm actually just now preparing for the post-natal edition of Girls Gone Wild...