I was checking out the common search terms that bring people to my site and discovered there were more than a few searching for things like this (actual screenshot from my site stats):
Anyhow. I notice this must really be a problem. Pregnant ladies and mommies, do we bring it upon ourselves? Or is there a small, loud faction that really ruins it for the rest of us?
Okay. But what is it about pregnant women and everyone else that actually propels people to perform Google searches about their plight with someone pregnant they find annoying? I want to know more. Readers, searchers...what is it? Without being nasty and mean, I want to honestly find out why pregnant women annoy everyone else.
I admit I'm guilty of all of the above to some extent, though I'd like to think I'm conscious of not being the annoying pregnant girl, and these search terms are certainly a good reminder to be ever-vigilant against being annoying. And I'd wager it's not so much about being annoying, as it is being exclusionary and dismissive of the needs of others being so focused on one's own needs and the needs of the baby.
I did, at one point, write about The Annoying Pregnant Girl Syndrome, in which, by simply being pregnant you tend to truly having nothing else to talk about because you are sick as a dog, big as a house, and the baby eats your brains in utero so you forget things like words and entire subjects you mastered in third grade. That will tend to make any pregnant woman annoying to people who formerly knew her as a fun, coherent, and non-sloth-like gal.
Anyhow. I notice this must really be a problem. Pregnant ladies and mommies, do we bring it upon ourselves? Or is there a small, loud faction that really ruins it for the rest of us?
I should make a note here. I consider Facebook to be the same thing as my living room. If you accepted a friend request, or I accepted yours I operate under the assumption we both agree that I am allowed to say and post the things that I would say and share with people who come over for coffee or dinner. That is, I will regularly talk about the things going on in my life, which currently have overwhelmingly to do with babies. And economics. So if you know me in real life or on Facebook as a "friend," chances are you'll hear a lot about that. Otherwise, I tend to keep the baby talk to a minimum everywhere else. And even if you are in my living room. Darn. Maybe it's all Facebook. Anyhow...
Okay. But what is it about pregnant women and everyone else that actually propels people to perform Google searches about their plight with someone pregnant they find annoying? I want to know more. Readers, searchers...what is it? Without being nasty and mean, I want to honestly find out why pregnant women annoy everyone else.
In my own experience as a pregnant woman, I know people tended to get very annoyed with me for walking slowly, not realizing I was pregnant, but then still being annoyed once they saw me, like I shouldn't be out and about if I'm going to have to walk so slow. I got a LOT of dirty looks in grocery stores or malls. Everyone else was so freakin' worried and hurried about their own business, the slow, ungraceful lumber of the town preggo was the last straw for them!
So...what else is it? The advice-giving? The complaining? The "I Invented Motherhood Since I've Been a Mom for 2 Whole Days" thing?
I admit I'm guilty of all of the above to some extent, though I'd like to think I'm conscious of not being the annoying pregnant girl, and these search terms are certainly a good reminder to be ever-vigilant against being annoying. And I'd wager it's not so much about being annoying, as it is being exclusionary and dismissive of the needs of others being so focused on one's own needs and the needs of the baby.
For example, not listening and interrupting with quips about how the baby just kicked, sorry! I'm sure that can get old to the patient friend or colleague who thought she'd do you a favor and take you to lunch. Talking ad nauseum about the all the nausea you experience is just not appealing nor all that relatable to someone who's never been there. Forcing Discussing your birthing/parenting philosophy, with someone who didn't ask is actually pretty rude and intrusive, no matter how nice and informative you think you are being.
I don't know!? I definitely want to hear what is making people search for these terms...
Honestly, as someone who doesn't have kids yet but am surrounded by friends and family who all seemed to be on the same time line and started having kids at the exact same time, I just think it's only annoying because the over abundance of kid talk isn't something my husband and I can identify with yet, so by default, we're not interested in hearing about baby poop or snot, etc. And I guess it sets my buttons off when my sister in law constantly tells me, "you'll see when you're a mom" or "you don't know what it's like cuz you're not a mom yet" because I detect a self-righteous tone somewhere in there. I'm sure popping out your own kid is amazing, but tons of people do it, have done it and hearing about it constantly just gets old after awhile. I guess it also scares me that some parents behave as if they stopped being their own person once their children were born--and I do get that their kids are now most important to them--but how does that dictate that you should stop living your own life? My brother and sister in law literally stopped doing anything outside the home once they had kids and force us to go to them when we're in town, and even then, no conversation can be had b/c the kids are screaming and crying. But that's them. I also know couples who AREN'T like that, so I know it doesn't HAVE to be that way. But usually, it's portrayed that way, and that's my two cents on why a lot of people might be annoyed by it.
ReplyDelete@violinista - I totally get where you are coming from. I think parents (especially new ones) get so caught up in themselves and their babies they can be really rude and not even realize it. Yes, THEY have gotten so used to the poop/snot/screaming and they are probably exhausted from making efforts to accommodate their child, they are not willing to accommodate others. I'm not saying it's an excuse, but an explanation...
ReplyDeleteBabies are life-changing, so I think lots of relationships necessarily have to change and it's hard for everyone. But I agree w/ you, there has be more awareness on the part of parents to not ostracize their friends and family members with dumb comments and just expecting everyone else will now begin to revolve around you.
I've definitely seen/heard some appalling parent behavior, like getting invited to a dinner party and simply INVITING their kids too, when the hostess was a) very clearly not warm n' fuzzy a kid person b) did not have a kid friendly house c) did not say kids could come. Horrible manners! I would NEVER do that, and will always assume I need a babysitter unless the person says otherwise. I always ask too, in case I'm not sure.