Comments on Quiet the Thunder: A Married Girl’s Guide to Staying That Way

The money and bank account issue is interesting. ...

2008-07-26T09:07:00.000-04:00

The money and bank account issue is interesting. Marriage is about unity and togetherness, and this needs to flow over into the money arena.

We have 2 checking accounts, but they are linked so that we both have access to each account. However one is "mine" and one is "his." This way we can keep track of our expenses but still transfer money and let the other one know if we want to make a big purchase.

@Diane Z. -

Number 1 is interesting, and I...

2008-07-09T06:02:00.000-04:00

@Diane Z. -

Number 1 is interesting, and I could see how this is true in my own marriage. I do make an effort to verbalize my respect for my husband more. I tend to think he should just "know" how much I appreciate him. I learned from another married woman that it is important to always say how you feel.

I also thought it was interesting that a flattering woman is more likely to draw attention than an attractive or promiscuous one. But it makes total sense. I would say most men would feel that if their wives didn't appreciate them, but some woman at the office did, they'd be happier at work! Maybe that is why I see so many men devote their lives to work, the gratification can be instant from colleagues and bosses, of both sexes.

Great food for thought.

Two tips I got recently from a wonderful little bo...

2008-07-09T01:49:00.000-04:00

Two tips I got recently from a wonderful little book ( http://www.4-womenonly.com/ ) that I have already found extremely useful:

1. Women need love, while Men need respect. An interview among hundreds of married man showed that when a guy feels disrespected he feels he is not loved. When guy's opinions, work, and efforts are not appreciated at home, he will find their appreciation elsewhere. Women flattering a man's work in an office end up far more dangerous to a marriage than those wearing revealing outfits. The best way to avoid loosing your loved one is to show them you appreciate them and everything they bring to the family nest.

2. Financial infidelity is right up there next to cheating in the top 3 reasons that lead to divorce. Having a separate fun account is interesting, but hiding accounts and major expenses or diverting funds from the family wallet can be just as bad as sleeping with the neighbour.

@ Rachel - thanks! To be honest, my husband and I...

2008-06-10T17:25:00.000-04:00

@ Rachel - thanks! To be honest, my husband and I talked a lot about the "work" of marriage even before we got married. We thought it was a given, we're both sort of skeptics, so maybe we approached marriage more realistically than those who end up gettting divorced?

Great idea about the separate bank account - while I think it's good to make big decisions together, little ones certainly don't need to be nit-picked.

@ Diana - Thanks, and you're welcome! Marriage is work, but it is quite possibly the best thing I've ever done. I used to be pessimistic about marriage, so I'm extremely appreciative of my awesome husband! I know a lot of happyily married couples, too, they are out there!

@ Amy - CONGRATS on 15 years strong. I love that.

As half of a couple who recently celebrated our 15...

2008-06-10T15:20:00.000-04:00

As half of a couple who recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, I say this is a great list. Always good to be reminded. You go girl!

Great post, and thanks again for your e-mail. I j...

2008-06-10T14:15:00.000-04:00

Great post, and thanks again for your e-mail. I just sent you an overly sappy e-mail, but your words meant so much to me - thanks again. I'm not married (yet). I'm 26, I've been dating my boyfriend for two years, and I still don't feel ready for marriage. It's not him...I could be dating anyone and still feel the same way. I think it is also part fear of planning a wedding...ehh! But, these are great pointers for when I want to take that next step. I'm glad you have a good outlook on marriage...these days that is hard to find. So, good to see others are making it out there!

What a great post! We just had our three-year anni...

2008-06-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

What a great post! We just had our three-year anniversary, so I'm still pretty new to the game, but I agree with everything you said. Another thing that helps us is that we have a joint account for "us" expenses and we each have our separate accounts to do what we like with. We always cover the bills and savings first and then we don't have to worry about talking to each other for small purchases (like lunch). I appreciate that you said marriage is work. I think that's why most marriages break down. It's not rainbows and butterflies 24/7, but it's still wonderful when you work at it together.